Whenever a storm has passed through the region at night, and the next morning everything is lying peacefully, I ask myself: Was there something? What lies behind us suddenly seems so unreal, as if it had never happened, but today the sun shines again quite friendly and also birdsong can be heard. Nature nevertheless shows us enormous traces of the forces that have been at work, whether in broken branches, fallen leaves, or a marked drop in temperature.

A turnaround or change does not always come with such a loud bang and as suddenly as a summer thunderstorm. Especially when it comes to our inner development, we tend to notice many small – at first perhaps even inconspicuous – signs that something is happening to us gradually, rather than with a crashing impact. Intuitions, strange situations that we can’t explain logically. Was there something? Or did we just imagine that? The first time, we may be inclined to quickly forget about it, but when these oddities start to accumulate, we do admit to ourselves that something is on the move. We are increasingly sensitized to curiosities and strange coincidences that no human being could have imagined. And with time it becomes normal for us to perceive these signs more and more consciously and also to trust that they should reach us at the exact moment.

We are now also listening deeper and deeper inside ourselves, because outside it is just too loud for us. You can’t understand your own words there – and in general we find it too garish, too chaotic and increasingly unbearable. Therefore, we retreat more and more into our inner selves in search of peace and quiet. The deeper we dive, the darker it gets at first. But there is no way around the fact that we have to get to the bottom of our shadow sides, all the way down, otherwise there will always be a residue. Each time, we venture down a bit further, only to be horrified to discover what has been lying dormant for so long. Yes, indeed, there used to be something, which is still there now. But we have a chance to work on it. Each time we go the famous extra mile. Not the extra mile we go when we fritter away tens of hours on meaninglessness, but the one that will lead us to the truth in the end, that will reward us for all our toil, blood, sweat and tears. But that’s just at the end.

At the beginning, we do not have any idea of the tremendous forces that are at work within us. We have absolutely no idea what path we have taken there. And many a time we might rather wish for a summer thunderstorm with a big bang, because the slow road often seems far too hard for us and paved with so many unbearable sacrifices that we have to make for it. More than once, we feel like we’ve been put through a meat grinder. But each step brings us further to the realization that this can indeed only be a process – not short and painless like a thunderstorm, but just the opposite. Because to let go of the “was there something?” takes time and perseverance fed by our faith, hope and love. Despite all the adversities that are imposed on us, we feel more and more a lightness that comes. Isn’t it true that God doesn’t ask us to do anything that we can’t do with His help? The further we get, the more the meaning in everything becomes apparent, victims are no longer perceived so much as victims but as a necessity. Pain becomes relative because priorities have shifted. Every loss can be a great gift at the same time. You can’t stop or go back now, that much is clear.

And for what all this? The broken branches will be gone by the end, there will be no more kicked up leaves lying around. It is pleasantly warm and wonderfully peaceful here. And the sun will shine as if nothing ever happened.

All the best, your Sabine

Music contribution: Enya – “Only time” (with lyrics)